Goodnight Raccoons

The other day our dog Allie took of chasing two gigantic raccoons. We called her off of them immediately because we saw them before she did and so we knew what she was up to.

I noticed our neighbors had a heavy duty, sorta intense garbage system. It looked like it would repel bears but I knew it was to keep the coons away.

Our friends were over last night helping us settle in for our first official night of residing in our new home. I was telling them that I hoped to not hear any weird noises in the night. I must have set the stage for a unique night with that remark.

As James and the kids settled in for the night and everyone drifted off to sleep I started hearing noises. Crashing noises. Not loud and sorta subtle. I thought it was deer eating my plants but I knew all the plants were safe. I couldn't sleep because I could hear something. James finally heard it too and decided something was on the deck. For now our beds are in the living room. We are waiting for the bedrooms to be painted and carpeted. So we peaked out the blinds but saw nothing. I didn't think coons ate plants so I drifted off to sleep.

I was awoken later by James. He was by the door to the deck shining a light out on the deck. I asked what was going on. He told me that he was awoken by a coon scratching at the door trying to get in. WTF. These assholes climbed our stairs, climbed up the railings and entered the deck domain. Its not an inviting deck for critters. Theres no staircase to it. you gotta want to get up there. The door on the deck into the house happens to have bad scratch marks on it from what I thought was a cat. Maybe a dog. Perhaps a coon. It's on the inside too, but only the stain is worn down. No scratches.

So here's James, half naked, flashlight in one hand, plunger in the other, door open, kids sleeping, middle of the night, trying to scare off some coons that have no fear. He's trying so hard to be quiet and get them off our deck. He shuts the door dragging with him a box, takes a step and lands on a squeaky rubber chicken. Luckily, no one stirs.

In the morning I see the box. It's been torn open and ransacked for birdseed. Dammit. How do people have bird feeders? The only things that get my seed are fat squirrels and now fat coons. I got on Pinterest and found out what coons hate. As soon as I can get to Costco I am buying cinnamon, black pepper and Epsom salt. It's on coons, it's on.